27 November: Johnathan Leftwinger's

THE TRIALS OF LIFE

The political world is no longer the safe and consequence-free playsafe environment which I grew up with. Labour is for some unfathomable reason a reviled organisation for both Public and good people alike.

The leaders of the BNP are set free by a biased judge whilst our police force, who have obviously learned nothing since McPherson, decide to persecute our Prime Minister over an affair so unimportant it isn't even worth me reasearching it properly.

I mean, things like the nanny-state, reverse-racism, polticised police initiatives, mass job losses to foreigners here or abroad, broken farmers, high crime or 'untouchable' minority gangs and groups are some of what the Public are moaning and whining about. And Europe too when they shut up about all that. But we haven't got the hyper-inflation that we had under Labour last time.

You've never had it so bloody good mate!

Anyway, an inevitable consequence of Labour policies is the threat of death (as that doctor said on the telly once when he was defending Care In The Community, a Tory botch leaving BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!! * ) I mean, it's only reasonable for a bit of give-and-take.

I've had a few letters from the more angry members of the Islamic Community. Rather creatively, they had made the entire text from letters cut from newspaper headlines. Very artistic people the Muslims. Better than us and their religion proves it.

Usually I keep this sort of thing a secret, particularly as there are no white death threats lately. (Well no, more in the line of frustrated intellectual argument warning of a severe loss of life amongst governmental personnel if an incorrect course of action is not persued). But it has to be said that when ordinary non-multicultural whites complain of being beaten up by inner-city Muslim gangs, they can feel consoled by the fact that I am on the receiving end of extremism myself. And as MI5 quickly caught the letter senders the full stop is well and truly put onto the end of the sentence and I hope to hear no more about violent Muslim gangs, just as I don't hear any more about white gangs. It's that simple.

People moan and whine about open-door immigration letting in allsorts of dubious characters but I seem to recall plenty of ENGLISH dubious characters. For example, there was HAIG THE ACID HOUSE MURDERER, MR. CRISTY or even BERKUN HAIR. And they came BEFORE the so-called floodgates were so-called opened too! So that solves that debate once and for all.

Yes! In fact I think you'd better read that again just to make sure it all goes in your brain!

And just to help you even further, as if you deserve it, you know to call the police if you're under attack from gangs, racial or otherwise. And don't fight back either, just stand and shout (as that gun-toting fascist Tony Martin now knows to). And if the police arrive I hope that you'll be flexible enough to forgive your 'attackers'. (Actually, you've no choice as it will be government policy to let them go unpunished after giving an apology anyway).

The pig-headed white British claim to be living in a society based on Christian morals. Now it's time they ruddy proved it! Vote Labour!

* SOURCE: A doctor on the telly about ten years ago. More than that now as I recall. On the BBC.

For more on how to live your life in a correct, decent, non-trouble making and harmless manner visit the   LEFTWINGER'S FAN SITE

24 December 2006:  More from our wonderful, small boy loving Labour MP, Johnathan Leftwinger

HAVE YOUR SAY

Labour have kindly allowed members of the Public to air their views. Well, just one, just as a trial run to see if this is a worthwhile intiative.

A military university in Scotland has banned its cadets from wearing their uniforms in public due to harassment or abuse from local Muslims. And as well as Aberdeen this seems to be an emerging pattern across Scotland where many military personnel have been urged to hide their 'offensive' uniforms.

In response to this, Mrs. Alice Cooper from Windsor said "This is disgusting. Why on Earth should we bow to these people? The Muslims seem to want to run the place! All of them are either aggressive or passive-aggressive in the town; I was spat at yesterday. And just look at the riots they started here last month! And I don't like them talking in their own language, it's very rude and alienating.'

She concluded her rant with this incitement to racial murder: "I think that the Army people should walk around Britain, OUR Britain, in their uniforms as proud as they please. In fact, we should actually put the Army on the streets because next time the Muslims fancy a go they'll find their match at last!"

Well, we're shocked and appalled. Perhaps this swivel-eyed supremacist racist may like to consider this FACT: As Muslims feel so persecuted and oppressed in Britain - so much so they even blame LABOUR! - some more rowdy extremist elements of the Muslim Community shall indeed rise up and cause trouble as a result. THE PAIN THEY MUST FEEL! The Muslim community leaders we liase with warned us about this, which is why we follow their commands for a peaceful, more tolerant and respectful Britain. We in Labour are in tears to instigate so many terrorist investigations! It becomes all too clear with each police raid that racists like Cooper have driven them to such desperate acts in the name of freedom. Yet she's the one free? NOT ANY MORE! I HATE HATE!

AND SHE MAY WELL DECIDE TO CHEW OVER SUCH FOOD FOR THOUGHT IN HER PRISON CELL! A FEW HIGHLY-TRAINED POLICE OFFICERS BREAKING DOWN HER DOOR WILL PUT SOME SENSE INTO HER FASCIST HEAD! (Good idea this public forum - they practically arrest themselves!)

Visit Johnathan’s home page: Click HERE

LATEST EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER

_________________________________________

07 January 2007: Once again the Labour Party is facing scandal. One of our party's biggest donors, the Global Fascist Corporation, is facing some serious scrutiny from The Guardian. In a massive betrayal, the normally quality newspaper is displaying some rather unusual bias in its appraisal of the conglomerate.

The thrust of the article plunges like a knife into the heart of an effective and highly competent organisation. The Big G (as we wittily call it) focuses on a rumour that whilst the cash flow to Labour continues unabated then sundry unsavoury business practices can go unpunished.

We in the mass ranks of New Labour cannot possibly let this slur pass. So I shall list some of the Guardian's main gripes and dismiss them in the usual high-handed, unbiased fashion which has become a legendary Labour trademark:

* The Global Fascist chairman played a part in the so-called Cash For Peerages scandal by purchasing a job lot to distribute amongst his own executives. This obvious act of capitalist spivvery may well partly be what gave the game away to the filthy pigs, but you can kind of understand the mentality. The GF chairman is perhaps a benevolent man who merely wanted to share his joy and just rewards for his dedicated service to Labour and its People.

* The GFC has been making faulty weapons for the British Armed Forces for 20 years, taking over the contract from the US-owned A'hole & Dicks of Louisiana. GFC-made guns often fire backwards, its warheads often fall from the missiles, faulty 'vertical takeoff' planes need to be fired from makeshift spring-loaded pads and their submarines rust under water. Successive British governments have avoided scandal and the undermining of national security by keeping mum, allowing the GFC to continue its 'shabby' practice. Well, all I can say to that is that there is a perfectly rational explanation but I doubt anybody outside Labour circles could possibly understand its complexity. So I won't even bother talking about this any longer.

* The GFC has been using 'refined' nuclear waste as toilet cleaner - in order to pocket million-Pound payments which should have been spent on sending it to the Russians to dispose of (for which Labour get the money back for allowing other nations to store theirs here). It's called recycling mate! And come on, be fair, BASTEX LAVATORY CLEANER is even better than the 99% one for getting rid of all that limescale, or tartar, or whatever you call that clag 'round your bowl. Now that's initiative in the world of Green mate, something which we in Labour applaud!

* The GFC wanted to put an engine under Britain in order to float it to the most prosperous sweatshop areas in the world in order to take even greater advantage of cheap labour! Obviously, this is the most ridiculous, implausable, ludicrous and impractical allegation ever floated! Can you imagine that this is actually geographically possible, what with the tectonic plates and all that sort of thing? Sailing the mainland island, just laughable! It's far too big! One of the Channel Islands is more of a viable option, as by-now burned papers prove.

* The GFC aquired the tendered contracts to supply cheap food to school cafeteria across Britain. The high-fat, low-nutrition junk food is part and parcel of the average school meal. The GFC cynically drove from the market the more reputable and more expensive providers, with threats of punishments if schools decide to instigate a healthy food policy. Well all I can say is waste not, want not! If all the excess animal fats, pig rectums and cows' eyes were dumped or burned then my environmental activist mates will have a hissy fit! At least they are better than the Public who would have a hissy fit if schools spent more money on food and less on the high-quality education which their children enjoy. Just put things into perspective and all will be right!

* The GFC pioneered the concept of 'outsourcing'. Much as we hate to denigrate all those lovely foreigners, the GFC's behaviour in this field has been disgusting. From inter-continental tele-scams to selling private information regarding Britons in India, the Global Fascist has it all sewn up! Indeed, it's only the 'threat' of independent manufacturers and retailers providing decent competition again that the corporation doesn't move to India entirely. To which we say YES YES YES! If there was no GFC then where would all the new asylum seekers and redundant car workers go? And rival companies just want to fleece the Public and we can't have that now. As you know, big businessmen and prominent politicians can't possibly be capable of doing any wrong! You've got to have work you know and the GFC gallantly provides it!

These are just a few of the lies, some of which are actually true. But only from a fascist point of view! So that is why I have set the record straight.

The Global Fascist Corporation is a wise, benevolent and in-touch organisation. Indeed, it's only bigots who are ungrateful! The Chairman owns half of the nation's 'independent' media, some of its gold reserves, most of its oil and half of France. Surely then that proves that a man of such means can surely be trusted - otherwise he wouldn't know how to run it all!

________________________________________________________________________

For more information, here are some official Global Fascist resources: One nice docu-drama, one cosy chat and one PR pack. Only after looking at these can a truly balanced perspective be viewed!

Extra truth and wisdom can be found at the affiliate site www.leftiness.org!