16 July 2006:  A letter from fabulous, enriched Barnsley

Dear Editor

I felt that I must contact you to congratulate Labour winning the local elctions in my town again.We were getting worried I can tell you, what with the war,that old scallywag Prezza playing hide the chippolata and the oiks on the doorstep moaning on about immigrants and asylum seekers.
 
Anyhow, we still managed to GAIN a seat and then the blummin Independents were up in arms about the unnotified change in count proceedures on the night. Sour grapes if you ask me. Then the BNP had the cheek to stand 12 candidates and  actually get people to vote for them!!! After all our hard work door knocking and telling the white ,working class, illiterate rednecks the REAL situation.
 
Nevertheless, we were triumphant and it does my New Labour heart proud ,as I queue to pay my Council tax at the local office, to see our welcome new friends waiting to see a benefits advisor or someone from Homelessness and Housing Advice. What a wonderful scene it makes to see the multicultural diversity and national dress of expensive mobile phones, designer labels, gold jewellry and state of the art pushchairs. And just think of the jobs being created for the interpretors.
 
As for integration our ethnic brothers are busy exploring my town's vibrant nightlife. Of a weekend  I have often been approached  by gentlemen from other climes and have found their unwanted attention and bottom squeezing quite flattering, actually. I have already had several proposals of marriage in their cute pidgin English.
 
It's the kids that I am proud of for really getting to grips with the British way of life. Just the other day I witnessed one little tyke informing a teacher of his rights and that 'It was a free country and he could do what he wanted.' Very encouraging.
 
From the Labour Council's side we also are encouraging integration between the indiginous population and our new residents and I feel we are really leading the way in this area.
 
Already we have closed a Council run home for the elderly in order to provide a dispersal centre for Asylum Seekers and have recently entered into another contract to support and provide accommodation for Asylum Seekers for the next five years.
 
We have also approved planning permission that turned a bungalow in a residential area into a Muslim centre (there will be no parking problems as our Muslim brothers and sisters have promised us that they will all walk). Now the locals are up in arms that they cannot sell their properties. Why do they want to move when they can enjoy the wonderful celebrations and weddings right on their doorstep until 4 am in the morning.
 
My advice would be to continue dropping their asking price then the people who want to use the centre can get a real property bargain AND have the advantage of just nipping across the road in the early hours. Problem solved.
 
Lastly, although our town's only cinema has closed, the Authourity is thoughtfully providing an Ethnic and Multicultural Centre in the heart of the town, has a Multi Agency Panel to promote diversity and have taken 200 Council properties out of circulation to to provide accommodation for Asylum Seekers, fully furnished and ready to move into. Even down to the loo roll.
 
So all I can say is KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK LABOUR.At this rate the BNP will never stand a chance next year.
 
Mustafa Kownzilowz

22 Oct 2006. More of your feedback. We need your letters, so keep ‘em coming, folks!!

Dear Tony or should it be Dear John. (Definitely ‘Dear Tony’, Ed.)

I am writing to express my concern at the current furore regarding the wearing of the Niqab by some moslem women ( ‘letter box ladies’, as my friends and I refer to them ). It is nothing new for women in this country to wear headscarves or veils. Back in the fifties and sixties it was quite common for women to wear headscarves and some still do, even the Queen can often be seen sporting a rather natty headscarf on occasions. Women can often also be seen wearing a veil especially during weddings and funerals and what can be more enticing than a beautiful bride wearing her lacy veil at her wedding. So you see the veil and headscarf are part of OUR culture but that, I am afraid, is where the similarity ends. Whereas indiginous British women would wear a scarf or hat or veil for reasons of fashion or respect or for practical reasons they do not hide their faces completely.

Constantly in the news at the moment are discussions about the ' veil ' when refering to the Niqab as if were just a veil which it is NOT, it is a MASK and is hardly any different if you think about it to a balaclava with eye slits that those naughty bank robbers wear. A veil partly obscures the face ( hence the expression ' a veiled threat ' ) it does not hide it almost completely as in the case of the Niqab. Now, I appreciate that women have the right in THIS country to dress ( within reason ) as they please, God knows they fought and suffered enough to earn the rights to do so but don't you think that the proliferation of the Niqab is more a statement by moslems that they ARE NOT going to integrate as opposed to a statement that they are going to.

So, is it possible that you could have a word with all the lovely lovely people in the Labour party and the super lovely people in the Scottish Broadcasting Corporation,
( sorry meant to say BBC there but it just sort of slipped out ) and explain to them the difference between a veil and a mask.

Thankyou.

Fay Siddon. Miss.

South Eastern Region. UK. EU.

PS I do so much love all of you darling people at lovely Labour, Oh God I think I'm going to weep, Oh gosh must go now.

Dear Fay

Your letter seems to me to be nothing short of thinly ‘veiled’ racism. If all these masked Islamic lovelies do attempt to integrate and become like everyone else, then there would be no ‘enrichment’ of ‘diversity’, and think how appalling that would be! 

As I have said before on this site, diversity is wonderful, and anyone who thinks any different should and will be sent to Prison. We have passed your email on to the National Criminal Intelligence Bureau, so that you can be traced, so you can expect a 4 a.m knock on the door and a lengthly period of penal servitude any time now.

Although we have freedom of speech in this country, that freedom should only be used to praise the Labour Party and to thank us for bringing this country so much fabulous, wonderful multiculturalism.. Saying anything else constitutes an abuse of your freedom, and you must be prepared to suffer the consequences.

Tony

17 December 2006:  Another fantastic letter for our wonderful Labour ‘agony uncle’, Tony.

Dear Tony
I just want to say how much I love Labour and to wish you all a very happy Christmas, as is the tradition in our country at this time of the year.

I must say though that I am becoming increasingly concerned about the plight of our pensioners. According to the Sun newspaper on 4.12.06, one in ten pensioners will be unable to afford proper heating this winter thus risking record numbers of deaths during 'cold snaps'. Do you think that this may be worse than last year? when, according to BBC News 24 on 2.12.06  'last winter claimed the lives of 23,000 old and frail pensioners' . Thats TWENTY THREE THOUSAND of our pensioners and it was not even what you would call a 'really bad winter' .

I was just wondering how you feel about that, considering Gordon (see you Jimmy) Brown is always going on about how much money he has available and how the economy is booming and how HE IS GOING TO GIVE MILLIONS to Africa, Afganistan and Iraq etc: etc: yet with all these poor old pensioners dropping like flies EVERY winter, seems a bit odd! bearing in mind that fuel costs have soared these last few years. ( It could never be the case that you don't care because you know that the old people were the traditional Labour voters and are now turning in their droves to the nationalist BNP in order to improve things. No never I just couldn’t believe that, not of you anyway.)

Don't you think that it might be a good idea to spend those millions here in this country, you know, 'charity begins at home' and all that. After all, we are constantly being reminded of the poor condition of our schools and hospitals and you would be hard pushed to find a NHS dentist. Also many local councils are struggling to find the funds they need so are having to continually increase the Council Tax, while, at the same time having to cut services to the community.

Also I was wondering what it costs per day to deploy our troops in other countries in order to impose democracy on their people.

A reply would be greatly appreciated.

F.R. Eezing (soon to be a pensioner). Scotland Region UK. EU.
 
     PS. I see that we are to have some nice new nuclear bombs at great cost to the taxpayers, so do you not think it would be prudent and much better for the economy to use up the old ones first instead of scrapping them, you know, rotate stock, so to speak.
     PPS. I know that you are obviously very busy but if you can find it in your heart to send me a Christmas card then could I please have a picture of a Christmas tree and a Baby Jesus on mine. Thanks, Fred ( FREE to my mates

Dear Mr Eezing

I am getting heartily sick of you bloody wrinklies whining about how you can’t afford to heat your houses and are dying of hypothermia, etc, particulary when you also whinge that British culture is being destroyed by our fantastic policy of unlimited immigration.  Also, you have the temerity to suggest that it is better to spend money on our citizens in the UK, rather than helping our arms industries to make a fortune by funding and engaging in unwinnable and pointless wars abroad, or sending money to corrupt African dictators, (who then re-cycle the money back to us.)

How many times do I have to tell you that, once you are no longer a source of cheap labour, you are no good to us, and we just wish you would snuff it as quickly as possible. You are an impediment to us and our mates getting richer and richer, and, quite frankly, we wish you would all just p**s off and stop bugging us!

Furthermore, it’s hard to comprehend how naive you are, thinking that we might be in the slightest bit interested in what happens to you bastards.  Rest assured, if we are elected again, we will make it a crime to send such moronic questions to our website.  I hear it’s nice and warm in pokey, so your days of worrying about fuel bills will be over.

Tony

09 January 2006: Another fantastic reader’s letter. Keep ‘em coming, folks!!

Dear Tony

The other day I was sitting on a bus, when a Muslim woman, in full Islamic veil, got on.  She paid her fare, sat down, and got out a book (nothing to do with explosives, it was an accountancy manual!).  About 20 minutes later she got up, walked to the exit and alighted when the bus reached her stop.

My point is, she behaved just like any other citizen and didn’t blow up the bus in a suicide bombing! If ever there was proof that all muslims are fantastic people who bring us the enrichment of diversity, this is it, and it’s definitely one in the eye for all those fascist racist nazi thugs in the wicked BMP out there who say that some members of the Islamic community are hell bent on the destruction of our country.

More power to you, Tony. Please feel free to use my letter as justification for your fantastic policy of unlimited immigration from Islamic countries, and the favouring of all foreigners when it comes to the allocation of housing, health care, and education.

Pete, Norwich

Dear Pete

Thanks for taking the time to write to us with that wonderful story, which just goes to show how lucky we are to have so many lovely foreign and dark skinned people in our country. When we read stories like that, we feel a warm glow, knowing that we are responsible for allowing folks like that to come here, and bring us joy and happiness, just by riding on buses without blowing them up!

Tony

Do you have a story, similar to Pete’s, about fantastic, fabulous foreigners, living ordinary lives and not commiting crime or acts of terrorism? If you do, send it to us, and we will publish it on the site.  All participants will, of course, win a free council house! (Subject to our usual TERMS AND CONDITIONS)

13 January 2006: Another fabulous reader’s letter.

Dear Tony

Well done to you and all your mates for destroying the life of Simone Clarke, the principal ballerina at the English National Ballet, after she was ‘exposed’ as a member of the ‘evil’ BMP.  (For more click HERE)

You and the Guardian have now set yourselves up as the only legitimate arbiter of who is a ‘fascist racist nazi thug’, and who is not. (And clearly this includes all members of the BMP, and anybody at all who opposes your fantastic wonderful policies of the unlimited importation of cheap labour from the third world.) It’s also an incredible achievement that the public do not simply dismiss the pronouncements of the Party, and its press mouthpiece as the rantings of deranged lunatics, but assist you in destroying the careers of anyone who you decide to attack in this way!

As a young man growing up in the 1950’s I witnessed similar antics by Senator McCarthy and his bully boys, in the US, but he was ultimately discredited , wheras you folks seem to have been able to achieve the same objective without losing the moral high ground, or even the support of the public! 

The destruction of all political opposition in this way is one of the greatest achievements of the Labour regime and I, for one, would like to congratulate you on the ruthlessness with which you crush your enemies.  In the world of modern politics, it’s the only way to stay in power.

James

Newcastle on Tyne

Dear James

Thanks for your kind words.  We are immensely proud of our fantastic mastery of the black arts of spin and propaganda, which we have used to create a new reality in the minds of the public, and  it’s good to see that we are at last being recognised for what we are.

Tony