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As those of you on our extensive mailing list will know, we in the Labour Party Supporters Committee ran our fabulous ‘Hug a Muslim’ campaign recently, (For more click HERE),and we are pleased to say, we have been delighted by the results. All over the country, ordinary folks have been approaching Muslims and giving them a lovely Labour Party hug, including at Glasgow airport (See pic below.)
It brings joy to our hearts to hear about this, and affirms our belief in our policy of unlimited immigration from muslim countries (and everywhere else) as this means there will be there are now twice as many hugging opportunities as there were even six months ago!
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Here’s some of your replies to our campaign emails:
“Can the labour party help my gonhorreah??” Guy, London
Yes of course, Guy. If we can convince almost the entire indigenous population of the country to give away their jobs, housing, health care, and ultimately their entire country to foreigners by telling them that this ‘enriches’ them with ‘diversity’, or win elections without people voting for us, then curing your gonhorreah should be a simple matter!
‘This is the most pathetic, childish nonsense I have seen for a long time. Do not send me any more of this drivel, and I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself and ask whether any of this is really going to help anybody. Get a life.’
Nick Ryle. (nick@rwagency.tv)
Partner, RWA.
020 7439 2446
07866 564577’
Sorry, Nick, we don’t understand your email, but you should be aware that we will soon be enacting legislation which will make it a criminal offence not to love Muslims and want to hug them, so we suggest that you change your attitude if you don’t want to end up urinating in a bucket and standing with your back to the wall in the showers.
“Thank you for reminding me that there are more occasions coming up for hugging our lovely, lovely Muslim brothers and sisters. I thought I was going to miss out for good after my unfortunate experiences on July 7th.
Can you please give me some advice on Muslim hugging techniques because I seem to be getting it all wrong.
On July 7th I saw some beautiful Burka babes walking down our street. Well, my eyes lit up, I stretched out my arms, cried out ‘Allah be praised’ and rushed towards them all ready to get loved up in a truly, warm and wonderful, Labour Party, Muslim loving, diverse, multicultural sort of way.
And do you know what happened? You won’t believe it, but they all legged it!
I am at my wits end, Gordon. Please help.
All the best,
Ivor Hankering,
Littlehampton. “
Thanks for that feedback, Ivor. We’ve had a few reports of Muslims doing a runner when confronted with an unexpected hugging attempt, so we suggest that you first come up behind them, check that they don’t have any hard items or wires attached, then tap them on the shoulder. As they turn around, grab them and give them their hug before they know what’s happening to them. Also, don’t shout ‘Allah be praised’ before hugging, as this is often shouted by suicide bombers, so, quite understandably, this alarms them. Using our technique guarantees success in 90% of cases, so good luck, and keep hugging!
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