8 June 2006: Fabulous new section added to website!

NEW!!  YOUR IMMIGRATION QUERIES ANSWERED BY OUR VERY OWN, WONDERFUL AGONY UNCLE, JOHN!

We are proud to announce that we have a new agony uncle! ‘John’ a man who should know more about immigration than anyone else, will answer all your questions.  Here’s an example, from Mr Moses Sixpence Mandala, from Zambia

Dear John

I am planning to come to England soon to claim asylum. The problem is, Zambia where I live is considered a safe country, so I may not be able to get a free house, money, health care and all the other wonderful things which the Labour government likes to give only to foreign and dark skinned people in the UK.  What do you suggest?

Moses Sixpence Mandala, Zambia

Dear Moses

No problem!  Just do what everyone from the Southern African sub continent does: Say that you are a homosexual from Zimbabwe, where they are persecuted. The Labour Party loves folks with alternative sexuality, and many senior politicians are homosexuals themselves, so anyone who is persecuted because they are gay is embraced with open arms when they come here .

In fact, there are 375 000 so called ‘gays’ from Zimbabwe living in The UK at the moment, statistically twice as many as could be expected, given the population of Zimbabwe is only 7 million!  Of the last 100000 bogus asylum seekers who have come here ‘from Zimbabwe’, 99.9% are so called homosexuals, many of them with 2 wives and 20 or more children!!

We know that the languages in Zambia and Zimbabwe are virtually identical, so it should be easily possible for you to attain the incredibly low standard of proof we require in order to give you your free house, money, health care, etc.

To be honest with you, we don’t care what you say as long as it’s credible, as we like cheap labour voters, so pack your bags, get your forged documents, and come to Britain TODAY!!

John

Do you have a query for John?
If so, email us at stupidbrits@thelabourparty.org.uk There will be a free council house for all contributors whose letters are published on the site.

Remember:  The Labour Party believes that all foreigners are good, British people bad. Muslims good, Christians bad.  Black people good, white people bad.  We are committed to unlimited immigration which will bring us the fantastic gift of cheap labour. Anyone who says anything nasty about us, our policies or about immigrants will be arrested and sent to prison forever, after a short show trial.  Vote for the Labour Party if you share our committment to a doubling of the population within the next 5 years.

mmm